Broken Mess
by luvingbtr
Summary: No, don't you dare be sorry. Never apologize for your feelings. I love you. You're my brother, and I'll do whatever it takes to fix you. You're not gonna be broken anymore. You are not a broken mess. I promise. Happy Birthday, James Maslow!


**So, James Maslow is 23 today! I wrote a little one-shot for his birthday, and I get to see him perform on his birthday 8DD I'm so excited for it! Anyways, enjoy this!**

James stares at his wrist, tears streaming down his cheeks. Today's his birthday, but he doesn't feel like celebrating at all. It just marks one more year of his shitty life. He honestly feels horrible, emotionally _drained._ He's never liked his birthday, always think that he doesn't deserve to live. Doesn't deserve a place on this Earth. He's just a broken mess.

He's been cutting for months now. The physically pain helps him to forget about the emotional distress. He's broken. That's putting it in simple terms. A day doesn't go by without him wishing he was dead, or that his life is better than that hell he lives in right now. He hates his life. That's putting it mildly. He wishes he was dead, quite honestly. No one gives a damn about him. Not that he wants attention…it's just…haven't you ever wanted to be noticed by _someone_? He should stop complaining. His heart's broken and ripped, unfixable. He's just a broken mess.

Honestly, he's such a screw-up. It's his _birthday_, for god's sakes! And he's sitting in his bathroom, drowning in his own misery. He's just a broken mess.

A few more tears leak from his eyes, and he lets out a dry sob, followed by a whimper. He just wants someone to help him. He doesn't want to break anymore. He wants to be fixed. Though, he doubts that anyone has ever even noticed his daily emotional trauma.

Silently, he drags the razor across his scarred skin, watching the blood appear. He doesn't bother trying to clean himself up. It would be better if he'd just bleed to death. He _wants_ to die. Screw life. He wants to end his goddamned life, because quite honestly, death would be better than this. Game over. He fucking quits life.

"Damn it all..." he mutters, lowering his head, as tears stream down his cheeks. "I hate myself..."

...

Logan notices James has been in the bathroom for a while now. He's worried. Today's James birthday, and he's barely said a word. The tall brunette hasn't been himself at all, these past few weeks. As much as he doesn't like to invade James' privacy, he needs to know what's going on with his brother.

He pushes open the bathroom door, gasping at the sight.

...

James wakes up in a daze. He can't even remember falling asleep, but he guesses that he passed out from blood loss. He's in someone's arms, and the said person is hugging him and whispering to him. Warm arms are wrapped around his waist, and he feels...safe. A feeling he hasn't felt in a while.

He opens his eyes, praying that the source of comfort doesn't leave. Logan. Logan's the one holding him, whispering to him. He's looking down with red eyes, gently kissing his head.

"L-Logie?" James whispers.

"Oh, James, thank god...I was afraid you wouldn't wake up. What have you done to yourself, buddy?" Logan asks with tears in his eyes.

"I hate myself...I don't wanna live anymore..." James finally confesses his true feelings, and Logan is stunned. He hugs the broken boy tighter, making sure he knows how loved he is. James whimpers in his arms, letting out a dry sob.

"I don't wanna live anymore, Logie. I'm done..."

"James...oh, baby, why didn't you come to me...?" Logan's shocked at James' harsh words. He doesn't want to live anymore? What the actual hell is hurting him so much? Whatever's causing James' suffering, Logan wants to murder it. James does not deserve to suffer. He's such a sweet, caring, loving guy. He shouldn't have to deal with this much pain, or any pain at all, for that matter.

"...thought no one cared." James scoots out of his arms, sitting next to him with his face in his hands.

"Oh, James...I'm so sorry if we've made you feel unneeded lately. We didn't do it on purpose," Logan murmurs. He's stunned.

"I know...and it's not just that...I feel unwanted, like a goddamn screw-up. I'm never good enough and I can't do anything right. And today marks another year gone by of my shitty life. I'm done."

Logan can't respond to that. He's at a loss for words. Gently, he snakes an arm behind James' back, and brings the taller boy into another tight embrace, hugging him to his chest. James' arms wrap around his waist, and he begins to sob into Logan's shoulder.

"I'm sorry...I'm just a broken mess," James mumbles, his voice muffled by Logan's shirt.

Logan pulls back and looks his best friend in the eye. "No, don't you _dare_ be sorry. _Never _apologize for your feelings. I love you, James. You're my brother, and I'll do whatever it takes to fix you. You're not gonna be broken anymore. You are _not _a broken mess. I promise."

James nods, his eyes softening.

"Oh, and James?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Birthday."

**Okay, I've come to the conclusion that I ****_can't_**** write happy stuff. So, yeah an angst one-shot for James' birthday. I hope you all liked it, and I'll have new chapters of Beyond Control, Paradox, and Shattered up soon. Again, happy birthday James! **

**XO ~Neha**


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